Resistance Line behaviors range from covert to overt. At the more covert end of the scale, we find actions like cracking jokes, being sarcastic, and making excuses. These subtle behaviors can be baffling to outsiders and stymie those who are trying to get things done. Yet they are cues that something is brewing that needs to be expressed.

The next phase is gossiping. People come together for the first time and talk about what’s bothering them. Sometimes, the gossip is meanspirited and demonizes others. But gossip can also be an important way to share information and mobilize energy.

Resistance becomes more overt in the lobbying stage when people raise their voices to advocate for their points of view. Anyone can lobby for their views, including community members, employees, and activists. However, when people lobby, they often reinforce polarization by placing themselves in opposition to another point of view.

Lobbying temporarily brings resistance out into the open and invites leaders to engage with the issue at hand. I expect we will see much of this over the coming years as people who lost the vote lobby the elected administration to listen to their needs, values, and requests. Unfortunately, many leaders fail to respond positively to lobbying; they cannot hear or understand what the resistors are communicating. Often, they label the resistors as troublemakers. And, indeed, trouble will continue. Resistance will escalate if leaders don’t listen and respond, but do so underground.

Escalation can take the form of poor communication or going slow. People may choose not to respond to messages or allow communication to break down. Another form of resistance is to go slow: to comply but do so at a snail’s pace. We may see this behavior in government as employees comply reluctantly—and very slowly—with mandates that defy their values and perceived roles.

When people become so frustrated they cannot tolerate the status quo any longer, resistance becomes overt and loud. People go on strike. They stop participating in regular activities and take to the streets to protest the current state. Striking is, in many ways, positive since people only strike when they care about the system and want to find a way to make things work.

If the current state continues without resolution, resistance may escalate into withdrawal or war. People talk about seceding. They move to Canada, Mexico, or Portugal. They fight perceived enemies through violence or hateful rhetoric.

By this time, conflict has become intractable. The issues are overly simplified and framed as existential threats. Although dehumanization has begun at early stages, when at war, people are perceived as amoral, evil, contemptible, and dangerous. Information is skewed to suit each side’s purposes. It’s full-on us versus them. Crushing the other side becomes the only option.

Some might argue that there are signs that war is already underway in pockets of the United States. This is true; people proceed along the Resistance Line at their own speed. Some may be at war while others become activists and yet others find the humor in the situation.

Healthy Resistance

Deep Democracy teaches us that resistance is not negative. It’s a natural phenomenon that occurs when needs are not met. Gestalt consultant and resistance expert Rick Maurer reminds us that “people resist in response to something. The people resisting probably don’t see it as resistance; they see it as survival.”

To cope when your side has not “won,” try these ideas informed by Deep Democracy:

• • Express your views clearly, strongly, and repeatedly. Try different ways to communicate the issue in hopes of finding the words that can heard by those in power.
  • Engage with those who hold different views to learn and refine your thinking. Avoid demonizing or dehumanizing those who believe differently. They have something important to contribute–what might it be?  
  • Find your people and share your frustration and rage. Gain support and give support. Clearly articulate the harm being done and the implications. Develop a positive vision for the future. 
  • Advocate for what you believe is right. Express your views clearly, strongly, and repeatedly. Again, resist the temptation to demonize or dehumanize the other side as you lobby those in power. 
  • If your voice isn’t heard, disrupt. If you are in a job that is legally mandated to comply, comply slowly.
  • If the situation is intolerable, join with others to strike. Be loud and clear about the harm done, the implications, and the positive vision for the future.

Finally, Amy Mindell, therapist and partner to Arnie Mindell, reminds us that “democracy is rarely something that we consciously manifest in daily life — whether during political debates, community meetings, personal relationships, or in our internal lives.” You can watch your tendencies toward authoritarian decision making—something all of us have at times—and interrupt them by inviting people to share their views.

When it is clear that one view will prevail, ask the others: What do you need to come along? Invite them to help refine the solution so it becomes something they can support. The resulting decision will be stronger, more sustainable, and more deeply democratic.