In our group supervision, one of the themes was ‘the leaders we work with don’t want to get into the difficult conversations these days’ and there were different examples of how this was happening. We wanted to explore this issue further and instead of talking about ‘the leaders out there’, we decided to talk about ‘us as leaders’ and ‘how we don’t want to get into the difficult conversations’. We decided to take this direction because we knew it would create self-awareness, help us grow as a group, while also helping us to understand the leaders we work with better.

We all reflected for a while to find something that would be challenging to share and discuss in our group. When everybody was ready, we asked our simple question which always brings a lot of wisdom: “What makes it safe for you to speak about this in the group, What do you need?”

I am sharing some of what we needed below, and I invite you to read from the point of their truth for you in some way: 

• I need to know I will have the space I need, not to be rushed or interrupted as I speak. I want to be able to say all I need to say.
• I want to be really really listened.
• I don’t want to be judged by anyone of you about what I share.
• I want you to remember, I am not only this side of me you are about to hear; I am still this wonderful person with all the other sides and qualities.
• I need you to bare-with me and be patient, as I am a little bit confused and will need to explore and clarify my views while having the conversation.
• I need enough time and commitment that everybody stays in dialogue until we are finished.
• I want us to acknowledge that it is really so hard to go there. 

So what does what is true for our group have to do with the leaders we work with? Us, being part of the larger field out there, being leaders as well as facilitators and being part of the leadership systems we work with, we can say from a systems perspective that these can be what the leaders might be feeling and needing right now, to get into these difficult conversations! They also may be in need of safe space, not to be judged but to be listened to understand, to be seen as the person and leader they are as a whole, and not be limited to a particular view about an issue, they may be confused and need some time to explore and clarify what they really think and if the pandora box is opening, they might be seeking commitment from the team and the facilitators to stay in dialogue until the issues are resolved and an acknowledgement that it is really hard to speak about these things. 

What happened to us as facilitators when we brought back our findings to the leaders we work with? Understanding, empathy and compassion. 

Every system is part of a bigger system and carries the patterns of the bigger system within. Everything we see out there, is also within us. We may also say, there is some ‘us’ in ‘them’ or ‘them’ in us. Or better, no us or them! May look different, sound different; but if we look close and deep enough, we will see it. And seeing it has the potential to create change by itself.